Survival Guide for Old Age: Sequel #2

My follow-up on “The Survival Guide for Old Age” is almost complete. The first sequel covered most of the points of interest to me and my age group. In this final work, Sequel #2, the scope widens. Looking back, I recognize that over and over as I wound my way through life, big changes entered the picture.

In the summer of 1937 my Dad moved our family from the farm to the city. We traded the freedom and expanse of the country for a small city apartment – and the opportunity to continue our education. My sister started grade 10 in a High School. I walked a block down a city street, and enrolled in grade 9 in a Junior High School. The country one-room school’s enrollment was about 14 children. My new school was an old three-storey brick building with 400 students! I was in shock – as if I were in a free-fall over a cliff. At any age, drastic change can be traumatic. It takes time to adjust.

I was on a steep learning curve, that first year in the city, but the stars were in my favour. My home-room teacher was an excellent educator, and a caring and compassionate person. No one in his classes went without help and understanding, including myself. With his guidance I learned to adjust to the changes. He also opened my eyes to the endless opportunities education offered, and excited me about further scholastic ventures. My parents were delighted.   Continue reading

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Survival Guide for Old Age: Sequel #1

As preparation for writing this sequel, I reread the original essay carefully. Thoughts crowded into my mind. What is the best way of presenting my stance? Can I even tackle this challenge?

But I am at least qualified to offer the memories accumulated from my own long lifetime. Besides that, my residence is a senior citizens’ home, an interesting launching pad for this essay. This effort is aimed at my generation in the hope that my viewpoint will aid them.

As these thoughts swirl around, I think back on my own life. My mind slips back thirty years. A sudden recession had struck the oil business. Imperial Oil, the company my husband Sheldon worked for, needed to cut costs. They started by offering their older employees early retirement. A common move, but Imperial did it with humanity and caring. The package offered was generous, and the program that accompanied it was amazing. Every retiree and his or her spouse was invited to attend a retirement information class. This course took several days to complete, and covered more aspects than most of us had ever considered. Advice about financial matters was expected. We got that, but also excellent information on the mental, physical, and social adjustments that accompanied retirement.    Continue reading

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Survival Guide for Old Age

The years pile up. Age creeps up slowly, hardly noticed at first. A woman lives in the same home for fifty years. She has a profession and develops it seriously. At home she shares the all-important business of raising a family, keeps the house, does community work, and gardens. Slowly, one by one, all slip away. In the end, it is only she and the house. It becomes imperative now that she make a big change. This is beyond her imagination and she rejects all insistence to do so.

Making a major move is trying at any time. At an advanced age it can be traumatic. Two known constants in life – inevitable change, and resistance to change – are now at loggerheads. More education regarding aging, and the timing and managing of major changes, would be very helpful in many cases. Where can ordinary people get good, reliable information about such a common experience?

When I hear people discussing old age, my mind flips back about seven hundred years to 1310 and a man named Dante Alighieri. His epic poem, “The Divine Comedy”, is revered by literary scholars. My knowledge of it is confined to one line: “Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here.” This is what Dante inscribed on his word-picture of the grim gates to Hell.   Continue reading

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Perfection

Perfection – Is it possible, or not?

When I think of perfection, the very word covers such a variety of concepts, beliefs, situations, that even grasping it is difficult. Yet when I encounter perfection, recognition floods over me. My spirits soar, life is good, nothing is impossible.

This mysterious reality pops up when it is least expected. Waking up to blue skies and sunshine dancing on wet bushes outside my window sets the mood. A phone call from a dear old friend comes at just the right moment. Perfect – just perfect!

The range of this elusive entity is amazing: from “the ridiculous to the sublime” it holds sway. I try on a sweater that has become too tight, and surprisingly find that it now fits. Leaving on my daily walk, I come across a spot where the path is carpeted with the beautiful white petals from a Star Magnolia tree. Looking up I see the mother tree, with a few remaining flowers and many tiny, new, green leaves. Perfection!

Frequent, fleeting, and unannounced, it is still somehow everywhere, offering the same elixir in different doses. I must be awake and aware very moment. Life requires that I handle the difficult and the unwanted. Perfection’s visits provide a valuable balance in daily life. What a wonderful gift!

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Chance Encounter

1975 Early July  It is the end of a long, hot day on the farm.  Wearily dragging my feet, I cross the farmyard, heading for the car.  Feeling something hard under my foot, I stop and pick the object up.

“What are you looking at?” calls Sheldon.

“Don’t really know, but it’s beautiful.  Look at this, Sheldon.”     Continue reading

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A New Year – Bring It On! (Part 2)

This is the second of two posts on New Year’s celebrations in different countries, bringing together my own Google search results with personal input from people associated with our extended family.

South Korea

This country celebrates New Year’s at the start of the lunar year (Solnal), and have done so for thousands of years. Many Koreans now also celebrate at the start of the solar calendar, which is January 1st.  Our family representative, Ellie Seungji Ha, told me this:

“You mentioned that some Koreans celebrate January 1st in the solar calendar.  We call it ‘new New Year’s Day’.  January 1st in the lunar calendar is ‘old New Year’s Day’.  It is the one celebrated by most Koreans with their families.  Celebrating ‘new New Year’s Day’ started with the Japanese occupation of Korea.  While the solar calendar is used in everyday life (school schedules, government, and companies), most Koreans celebrate traditional holidays like Seol nal and Chooleok following the lunar calendar.

The first thing I thought of when I heard the Korean New Year’s Day (Seol nal) mentioned was our traditional Korean costume (Han bok).  Koreans used to wear this costume all day, every day, until 1930.  Now, we wear them only for special occasions such as New Year’s, thanksgiving (Choo seok), and weddings.  They are colourful and pretty, but a bit too dressy and cumbersome to wear.

On New Year’s Day, my family wore Korean costume and went to meet my extended family.  The family lives in many different cities.  They get together in my grandparents’ home.  Like Christmas in Canada, Seol nal is an exciting event.  The women prepare food for everyone, and also prepare various food for ancestors.  So it is sometimes a headache/burden for some people, especially the women.  As a child or young adult, I never had that responsibility.  Therefore Seol nal was always a happy and exciting holiday for me.  It was a time to have fun with people I love, and enjoy so many tasty dishes.

On New Year’s Day we visit ancestors who have passed away.  We perform a short ritual for ancestors.  These rituals have nothing to do with a particular religion, and are a common practice for East Asians.  As far as I know, the Korean ritual is the most intense among China, Japan, and Korea.  Sometimes, instead of visiting the ancestor’s tomb, the ritual is held at home.  We display food in a certain order, and follow the rules for respecting ancestors.

Each generation bows to ancestors – grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts, and then us (my cousins and me).  It is believed (or considered as superstition) that the ancestors bless us.  We also bow to older generations.  I and my cousins bow to our parents and grandparents.  Our parents bow to their parents.  As a response, the older generation gives younger ones money.

Steven and I have discussed the Korean custom of bowing.  He felt strongly against it because it seemed like a gesture of submission to people in power.  I understand his view.  The origin of the bow may be that.  For me, it is just another form of greeting, a little more elaborate than hand shaking, because I am so used to it.

For three days at least (sometimes four to five days if a weekend is included), we talk, eat, and play traditional games.  My favorite is a board game, called Yoot no lee.  The game caused heated competition.  Almost always, I and my cousins are hoarse and have blushed cheeks when we finish the game, from energetic cheering and much laughing.

Many go to the beaches along the east sea with family and friend to see the rising sun, and make New Year’s resolutions.  People in Korea welcome the rising sun with hope and excitement.  When the sun finally starts to show its face after some waiting, people cheer, take pictures of the rising sun, and greet each other with hugs and pats on each other’s shoulders.

The greeting for New Year’s Day can be translated as ‘Be fortunate in the new year’ or ‘Bless you.’  Fortune (or blessing) is represented by a small red pouch.  This tradition probably came from China.”

China

This very large, ancient country has at least 4000 years of recorded history.  In China the date of the New Year changes from year to year, as the lunar calendar is used.  This year it started on January 31st and went to February 6th.  It is also called the Chinese Spring Festival, and is the topmost festival for Chinese people.  China is a huge country with diverse groups of people.  Not surprisingly, it has different traditions in different parts of the country.  One common characteristic is that of family reunions.

The Gibson family’s representatives for China are Eddie and Celine Cheng.  Eddie has been a part of our extended family since he came to Canada years ago, as a young student.  Celine joined when she married Eddie!  With a New Year which runs from January 31st 2014, to February 18th 2015, it was difficult for them to focus on only New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  They provided me with ample material from which to choose.  This is what they assembled:

“The biggest event of any Chinese New Year’s Eve is the Reunion Dinner.  This meal is comparable to a Christmas dinner in the West.  In northern China, it is customary to make dumplings after dinner, to eat around midnight.  Dumplings symbolize wealth because their shape resembles a Chinese sycee (gold/silver ingot).  By contrast, in the south it is customary to make a New Year cake and, during the following days, send pieces of it as gifts to relatives and friends.  After dinner, some families go to local temples, hours before midnight.  They pray for a prosperous new year by lighting the first incense of the year.  In modern practice many households hold parties and even hold a countdown to the New Year.  Traditionally, firecrackers were once lit to scare away evil spirits, with the doors sealed.  These were not opened until morning in a ritual called ‘Opening the Door of Fortune.’

The first day is for welcoming the deities of the heavens and earth, and officially starts at midnight.  It is traditional to light fireworks, burn bamboo sticks and firecrackers, and make as much of a din as possible to chase off the evil spirits.

Most importantly though, the first day of Chinese New Year is a time to honour one’s elders.  Families visit the oldest and most senior members of their extended family.  This includes their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents.”

Japan

Back to where this started.  For the citizens of all four countries cited in this study, New Year’s is the most important time of the year.  In Japan there are three or four days set aside for the occasion.  There is the viewing of the first sunrise (hatsu-hinode).  In addition to serving special food, rituals such as visiting temples (hatsumode), wearing special clothing, and holding family gatherings are all common customs.  Traditionally, every year is a separate entity from the next one.  All duties should be completed by the end of the current year.  Worries and troubles should be left behind.  With each year one has the chance to make a clean start.

Lorna interviewed Naoko Yamagishi, one of the three Japanese women who accompanied her to see the first sunrise in the New Year.  The following is what Naoko told Lorna:

“Harsuhinode is traditionally a family time in Japan, not a party time.  People who work in Tokyo, but come from small countryside cities, travel home to be with family for New Year’s celebrations.  For several days before New Year’s, the mother prepares a meal, known as Osechi.  It will be eaten by the family from January 1st to January 3d.  It comprises of many small plates of different food that will last for the three days.  It is a feast the family shares to honour the start of a New Year.  Many families go to a Shinto shrine either on New Year’s Eve or on January 1st to pray for health and happiness in the coming year.  It is also the custom to view the first sunrise on January 1st, to welcome in the New Year.”

My search leads me home to my own back yard.  Pursuing only one of the countless celebrations humanity holds dear, a wonderful thing happened.  I have walked down a street where the doors to all the homes were slightly open.  Glimpses of life within leads me to a much deeper understanding of those I am meeting.

There are special days that I celebrate.  Does my celebration of them act like open doors into my beliefs and culture?  I hope so, for that is what I have gained from this exercise – the feeling of knowing some other people on this planet – just a little better.

My thanks and appreciation for all of those helped, in many ways, with this endeavour.  Many thanks for their help and support: Ellie Seungji Ha, Betty Copland, Eddie and Celine Cheng, Lorna and Naoko Yamagishi (and Japanese friends), Blair Hammond, and Isabel Gibson ….. without your assistance, this would not have been written.  Thank you!  MMG

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A New Year – Bring It On!

A cool, dark winter morning and my daughter, Lorna, is driving up the Cypress Mountain road.  She is going to the Lookout parking lot, the one with the marvelous view.  With her are three young Japanese women.

Why a trip to a lookout, and in the dark?  Because it is New Year’s Day, that’s why!  The parking lot is almost empty when their car pulls in.  As the darkness lightens the crowd grows.  Soon the Lookout is packed with Asian people.  All are here to greet the first rays of sunlight on the first day of a new year, and from the highest point reachable.  Harsuhinode, as the sunrise ritual is called, is unique to Japan although there are similar ones in other Asian countries, complete with their own cultural differences.

The atmosphere is one of anticipation, excitement, and celebration.  The sun peeks over the horizon, pouring out its life-giving rays as it does.  The crowd roars with delight.  Cameras flash, prayers are chanted and joyous confusion reigns.  Each person makes his or her response to this special moment of the New Year.   Continue reading

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Seasons’ Greetings – 2013

Vignette #3 of 3

What a nice way to say farewell to a year that is ending: with celebration!  Regardless of our faiths, or lack of any, the year is rendering its last few gasps.  In a very short time, it will be gone.

This is a delightful period!  Phone calls, emails, and unexpected visits come from friends old and new.  Memories surface of times throughout a long life, bringing tears and joy.  Our present life shoe-horns its way into line, claiming a place in the celebratory season. 

This is a valuable, nay, an imperative call.  We must learn to recognize all that is good, hopeful, and precious in life.  If this is our starting point, we will be standing on a firm foundation to view and acknowledge life’s realities.

Remember the nativity scene?  It depicts the joy, love, and wonder surrounding the birth of a baby in a stable.  Couple that with the real background of a cruel and heartless Roman occupation force.  The whole scene changes.

As it was so long ago, so it is now in our modern times.  There is so much to rejoice about, especially if we remember how much remains to be done. 

Let the bells ring in the blessings of this Season for one and all.

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Life Skills

Vignette #2 of 3

The room is festooned with banners and balloons, menorahs and crèches.  The noise level is high as people gather.  Laughter, hugs, kisses, and warm greetings identify this as a family gathering.  The group finally gets seated, and dinner is about to be served.  Two women rise.  One recites a Hebrew blessing, and the other an old Scottish Christian one.  Thanks acknowledged, attention is turned enthusiastically to the food.

We live in interesting times and in a rapidly changing world.  Many world areas have a great diversity in their population.  To live fully has always required hard work, well developed life skills, and a dash of good fortune!  The multicultural mix adds more complications.  For such a culture to flourish, it needs understanding citizens who value acceptance, and who reject prejudice.

Old fears die slowly.  For many eons we have been comfortable only with those “like us.”  How enriching to find people with different colour, religion, and race who cherish the same life values that we do.  What a marvelous opportunity for us all.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah.

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On the Sunny Side of the Street

Preface: Thursday November 28th 

We are entering a wonderful time of the year.  Special days galore surround us: New Year, Christmas, Hanukkah, plus endless family celebrations will be the norm.

In the midst of this happy milieu we all struggle to handle our ongoing daily commitments.  I have a writing due for my creative writing class on each of three closely grouped days – November 28th, December 4th, and December 18th.  Necessity provides the incentive to create a “do-able” solution.  I have decided to present three loosely related vignettes, one on each of the dates mentioned.  The first one is today.  A cautionary note: the dictionary defines a vignette as “A short, graceful, literary sketch.”  I can guarantee only the short part.  The other three elements may, or may not, be achieved!  

On The Sunny Side Of The Street

Age is interesting.  There are few “How to Navigate” or “How to Understand” instructions for this very special portion of life.  Each day brings surprises.  Some are not welcome, some even very difficult, but many are delightful.

Musing about this, on one morning walk, I marvelled at the beauty of the sky.  Clouds battled with sunshine, creating a checkered pattern from horizon to horizon.  My sense of pleasure was intense.  A complete stranger stopped and pointed out to me a flock of crows, engaged in a real battle over one small chunk of bread.  We watched, laughed, visited, and then moved on.   Continue reading

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